I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
