Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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