when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
