He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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