How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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