i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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