You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
