I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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