just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
