i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
