You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
