Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
