woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
