The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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