The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
