I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize