Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
