Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
