Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
