No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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