My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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