i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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