people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
