Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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