my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my poor anus
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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