Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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