After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
