Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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