It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
