im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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