My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
3 2 1 whiskey
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
