i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
