I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
