DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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