We're like a lot better than the average bears
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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