the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
