can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
