I wanna bring you to show and tell
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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