You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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