Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
