don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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