you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you never un-have a 4some
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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