This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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