yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
