NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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