problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
