I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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