You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
