I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
