Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
