Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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