Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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