Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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