Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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