ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
