I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
