I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
