I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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