She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
