He kissed a someone with a penis
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
