It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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