your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
