You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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