is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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