I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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