If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
