ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
