P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
