so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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