eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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