Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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