i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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