Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
