im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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