That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize